The Slap heard round the world – Oscars 2022

I just watched the Oscars tonight, it has been a while since I did, I used to love the dresses, interviews, and the show. It was nice to relax and be transported to some make believe land that is the movies.

Almost at the end Chris Rock came out and started saying jokes, which is what he is famous for but much to his surprise, he said something to Ms. Smith that angered her husband enough to forget where he was, and he walked up on stage and slapped Chris Rock. Then he proceeded to go back to his seat and yell some not so very nice comments. Everyone was shocked I think, and a few actors tried to smooth it over after the event. It got bleeped here in the states, but it was the slap heard round the world.

Mr. Smith won the Oscar for Best Actor; I was thinking it was a bittersweet moment for him. His publicist got a few grey hairs in that very moment. In his acceptance speech, he said a few things that contradicted what had just happened and what he said he wanted which was to be a vessel of love.

“Denzel said a few minutes ago, at your highest moment, be careful, that’s when the devil comes for you. It’s like, I want to be a vessel for love.”

Love is not violent, ever. He was a vessel though, he was a vessel to show what is going on everywhere in America, all over the world, in people’s houses and neighborhoods. Let me be clear, I am not condoning what Chris Rock said but that is his job, he has done it for years. The question would be why did Mr. Smith act that way, that made him lose his sense of where he was and resort to violence?

His ego was wounded for whatever reason and that made him react. It is a knee jerk reaction when you think your family is being threatened. It seems Ms. Smith has been having hair loss issues and we don’t know if Mr. Rock knew this or not but he is not known for his sensitive jokes. He was lucky Mr. Rock didn’t retaliate. They both just were reflecting the violence that is playing out everywhere. When did it become acceptable to not communicate what is bothering you with a level head? To allow another’s opinion on matters and not tear them down to the quick because it goes against your own. All I know is we have a serious problem and one that needs to be addressed. Especially by people that are in positions to shed light on subjects like this in the world. The more power you have, the more responsibility you have. That was what Mr. Washington means at the highest moment, the devil comes. There is always a test. A test to see how far you have come and let me assure you that we all still have a long way to go.

It raises a question, when is it ok to joke about another’s suffering at their expense? When is it ok to laugh at another’s pain? Was Mr. Smith being too sensitive?  He was being a papa bear but at that moment, it was not a vessel of love. Love is never violent and harms another in any fashion.

It shows how again people need to keep working on their emotional bodies. Heated emotions come from heated words which cause violence in some and it seems quite a few in the last few years with the pandemic and the ongoing issues with politics. When did we become you and I instead of my brother or sister? Why are we back to Cain and Abel? Or had we just gotten so used to masking how we feel that now it’s overflowing like lava and we cannot keep the poison in any longer, the emotions will be dealt with one way or another. You can choose love, or you can choose war. It is up to you every moment of every day.

There was an opportunity to heal it, right there on the spot, he could have apologized for his actions to all parties involved, he could have said, “ I did not think it was ok what you said about my wife, but I should not have hit you.” Instead, he apologized to others, which was also good but if he would have done it to Mr. Rock, it would have been love not war that was caused. Mr. Rock may or may not have apologized for his words, we will never know but that moment he had an opportunity to be a real vessel and show love and forgiveness. It would have been shown around the world how things need to be reconciled. Right in that split second and opportunity was offered and a different path was taken.

Great things happen when conversations get started, and this is going to be talked about for days. Hopefully it will start people looking within. Everything starts inside of you, what is your reflection?

Tomorrow morning  I am going to try my best in my own life to make love and not war with my words, actions and deeds. What are you going to choose?….xoxo

You can read the full speech here:

Photo credit:

Be the change you wish to see in 2022

It’s here, another New Year’s Eve. Boy, our world has sure changed in a blink of an eye the last couple years. Really, it has been coming for a few but the hard lessons are getting intense my friends within us and around the world. I am reminded of the Bible verse, “all these are the beginning of birth pains”, Jesus spoke of. I know that the earth seems to be upset, especially nature. Working disasters, I have seen them get worse and worse and more frequent. I am over 50 now so my thoughts are more about what can I do while I am still here to help support what I really believe in which is peace, joy and love. We cannot always live in that zone but we can strive to be in the middle of chaos and have peace. I didn’t think it was possible but when I was in the middle of the dark night of the soul I would call it when I was younger, I prayed that I would be able to stand in the middle of a tornado and be calm in the center. 

Little did I know that would look like my work now. Be careful what you wish for right? I am able to walk into a disaster area and stay calm when all the emotions are running high. That does not mean I don’t get stressed with my own deadlines and work. I do but when I am standing in front someone that has lost everything, I can be calm for them. I can only do that because I have done and keep doing my own work of evolving. I say it all the time, “Everyone wants to be spiritual and evolve but no one wants to do the work that is required.” The work to evolve your soul is not an easy path but the rewards are great and really the only one that matters. Peace. 
Lots of negative things happening, lots of negative things have always happened. Is it more or less, I do not know. I can only look at the now. What is in front of you and in you? That is what you need to look at. Stop focusing outside, go within. See what disaster you need to deal with in yourself. Clearly with the way the world is, everyone has a lot of work to do. 

I ask my higher self this year what were the words for me this year:




I offer these to you. Just like a tree grows, what you focus on will also grow. Are you going to focus on how jacked up everything and everybody is? Or how separated and evil? Or will you focus on the good, the balanced and be grateful for what you have at this very moment? 
I also offer a response that I saw from Neale Donald Walsch on Facebook when a commenter had asked about how she could diminish evil in the world. Here is his response: 

“My gentle friend, I do not think we can diminish the evil in the world by something in particular that we are doing. I believe that the solution arises out of what we are Being.
By that I mean, by what we choose and actively intend to BE in any and every given moment. From that State of Being will arise an energy that will be projected into the world we touch…and, depending on the State of Being we have chosen, the world around us will begin to reflect that.I was told in CWG that the physical world is a mirror. It reflects back to our civilization what our civilization projects into it. So the way we can “diminish the evil in the world” is to project into the world what we choose for the world to Be.I know that this may sometimes seem fruitless, but it would amaze you how much of a difference this can make. People who have lived their lives constantly choosing a State of Being love, patience, understanding, wisdom, clarity, and simple goodness very often experience surprising returns of that energy in their daily encounters.Whole groups of people deciding to do this can, in fact, help to diminish the evil in the world in a very real way. Gandhi put this whole idea perfectly when he invited us to “be the change you wish to see.”

What a wonderful New Year’s Resolution that would be! ;o)”

Gulf of Mexico 2021

The sun will rise and the trees will keep growing tomorrow on New Year’s Day, how will you choose to rise, evolve and promote peace in 2022?..let me know….xoxo

Faith-Self Love and Self Belief


This week it’s all about the heart. Showing love for others, but how much love do we show ourselves?

“Run to the rescue with love and peace will follow.”- River Phoenix via Joaquin Phoenix-Oscars 2020

I have never been a tarot card person. I just never understood them. I got that they helped you on the life journey and it was around the four elements and the hero’s path. I think I have always had a slight fear of these cards due to growing up not understanding the significance. Sometimes core beliefs prevent us from growing due to fear. Getting assistance with cards for yourself can be taken to a level that you do not need to go. You always need to go within to your own God source but sometimes when we need assistance, it is a way to receive guidance with another person helping or with yourself. I think that when you don’t know how to listen to your inner self and understand what guidance is or just your mind running, you need another person to help gain clarity. With that said, there are a lot of those with darkness within and you will need to be very careful who you let into your energy field. I do not allow others to read for me very often. I have learned to connect within. You will never find the answers you seek from someone else; they are always within you. Others can help you see that, or cards can help you connect with that. A reader is only as clear as the work that they have done on themselves.

With that said, this last year I found a deck that I could relate to and understand. It was called Dreams of Gaia Tarot*


I wanted something that was updated and that I could relate and understand for myself with symbology and descriptions for the present energies to help you evolve. Not a fortune telling expedition. This is not about that. This is how I use them for myself, to help my own inner growth. You may not want to use cards to help support you and that is ok. Everyone has their own belief system that works for them, and I respect that. Your path is your path, I just have learned not to block anything because it can thwart growing due to fear of what you do not understand. You are putting the energy into things, not the other way around.

“Protection comes from the inside.”-Rev. Sally Perry

Really it is all about connection to God on the outside and then God within yourself.

I am writing this blog because today I pulled one for myself and I thought it would be relevant to others with its words. You are always in charge of your own choices; you can choose to be of the light or of the dark. Everything is energy. So today I learned another way to look at FAITH. Faith in God and yourself. We are children of God. All of us have shadows or darkness that needs to be witnessed, understood and transmuted. This is the real inner work.

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”- Gospel of Thomas

Faith is where you have the strength though the grace of God to go within and look at this. The darkness is only an absence of light. When you turn on a light the shadow or dark disappears. So it is within us but you have to allow for the darkness to come up and be seen. Only you know what your shadows are and sometimes we are not aware of them. This is why we need outside help and support to sometimes see what we cannot, to help us release and show us how to deal with the darkness. Teachers, preachers, seers and shamans all help with areas to bring in the light. You must trust whoever you work with.

I have been ridiculed my entire life for my beliefs and way I have lived. It has chipped away at my self-esteem, my self-belief and my own self-love. When you choose to go against the status quo, people do not like that they cannot control you, they fear what they do not understand. So, because of fear, they condemn you, ridicule you and tear you down. My faith in God has been the only thing that has kept me going. Knowing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am the only one that must account for my actions when I die, and I stand in front of Jesus. I have spent my life digging out my own darkness for this purpose. I want to be able to stand up when I die, not collapse in guilt, shame and humiliation.

“I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well.” -Psalms 139:14

Believing in God on the outside is one aspect of faith, believing in yourself is another. God is within you. God works through you.

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” -Philippians 2:13

I hope this card inspires you as much as it did for me today, Happy heart week…I love and appreciate every one of you.….xoxo



 “Faith, Self-Belief, Confidence, Divine Connection, Trust, Serenity, Surrender

To have faith, the 8th of the influence cards, is a beautiful thing. It inspires a feeling of serenity that is unshakable. With faith comes a level of self-confidence that sees you capable of overcoming all that life throws at you. To have self-belief gives you confidence when facing new and challenging situations. When out in a social setting, you are comfortable to be yourself. Having self-belief allows you to enjoy life more because you are less troubled by insecurity.

With faith in yourself and your abilities, you stand a greater chance of having a successful career, you are more confident in taking well-considered risks, you are healthier and happier because you are less under pressure, and emotional and mental stress. In turn, your relationships with others will be better also.

On the other hand, a lack of self-belief or faith can be seen in our moods, the way we speak about ourselves, our body language, and actions. Without faith and belief in self, every decision can become almost an excruciating process.

If you do not believe that you will succeed or do well, then, sadly, there is an increased chance that you will not. Doubt and a lack of faith breeds mistakes, procrastination, and self-sabotage. But know this, you are not unimportant. You are somebody. You are unique. You have gifts. You have strengths. You have talents. You are bright with potential, and if you believe in yourself you will shine.

A little belief can go a long way. With faith and self-belief, you can accomplish great things…even miracles.

Your confidence, while growing up, was influenced by what those around you said to you or about you. If those around you were kind and supportive, not just in words but in actions also, you had every chance of growing to be become a confident adult with healthy self esteem and confidence. This confidence would have increased as you moved out into the world, because you left home with the best tools in hand to meet life with a smile.

However, while we are told that we should strive to not be affected by others negative perceptions or opinions of us, especially those unwarranted criticisms and barbs born of insecurities and doubts of the person who offered the negative opinion, words can and do hurt. They can cause real and lasting pain. If the exposure to those who hurt us is prolonged or repeated, their unkind words and actions can cause deep and lasting psychological wounds that destroy self-belief, confidence and faith, the ability to trust in self or others.

Therefore, it is important to remember to be kind, above all else. Faith and self-belief are born of kindness. People are fragile, it is not only physical blows that can cause us harm. To ridicule and to instill doubt in another just because you, yourself, have doubts, can result in lifelong destruction of another person’s self-belief and self-worth. Remember that the wrong words at the wrong time can do lasting harm. When we feel an impulse to ridicule, we can stop and ask ourselves if we truly can be at peace if we cause another person distress. Would we be okay with another person ridiculing us or worse still, our own child, and causing them to doubt themselves, not just for a short time but for their entire lifetime? We must not make the mistake of believing that this is not possible. It is. The wrong words at the wrong time can do lasting harm. But, equally, the right words at the right time can heal and restore self-belief.  

One of the messages of the faith card is to ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’, rather than ‘Do unto others, what others have done unto you in the past.” Unless, of course, they have been kind and supportive. But if, in response to treatment you received in your past, you find yourself becoming hard and critical, or inclined to label others in an unkind manner, use this message to help you become aware of the potential harm you might do to others because of the lack of faith you have in yourself.

Avoid focusing on your own past mistakes in a way that destroys your confidence in the present. Remember, you only truly fail when you stop trying. Change direction if you wish. Try something new if that’s what you need and desire. But do not stop trying just because you’ve made mistakes in the past. So what if those things did not eventuate as you had hoped? It happens to everyone, even those you see as successful. Have faith that everything happens for a reason, and that maybe, just maybe, you did not succeed in the past because something better waits for you now, if you are willing to have faith and keep trying.

Belief in yourself does require a little effort and introspection. To increase self-belief, you need to know who you are and to consider why you lack confidence and self-belief in the first place. Are you uncertain and unsure of your path? Do you feel that all you do is not good enough?

The faith card asks you to have faith. Believe. You are good enough. In fact, you are not only good enough, but you are enough. We all are. Yes, we can be more. We can all be better. But we are also enough. All that we strive to becomes is because we choose to be better, not because we are not good enough in the present. Faith in the present comes to tell you that you are not alone, and that your dreams and aspirations are a wonderful thing. Trust in them. All will unfold as it is meant to. Trust in yourself. Those around you believe in you, so it is time for you to believe in yourself.

Having a belief in a higher power or spiritual path can have great benefit. It is not about embracing religion but embracing connection. Cultivate the belief that you are a part of something larger, because you are. We are all connected, and simple awareness and celebration of that connection can bring serenity.

You are being watched over. You are worthy of happiness and abundance. Meet your obstacles in your path with a smile and confidence. You are strong enough to overcome them and continue forward. Yes, life is likely to offer you moments of heartbreak and pain, but, if you have faith in yourself and the Divine, you will move through those moments with more ease. Having faith brings serenity, and the confidence to trust and go with the flow. When you have faith, the choice is made with ease and clarity. There is no need to fight, control and struggle, because you trust in yourself to know that you are heading in the right direction. Have faith.” Dreams of Gaia Tarot Page 154-155 Faith

-To purchase deck visit the website below or amazon.


-Dreams of Gaia photos from

-Self-love photo by:




The closest thing to perfect


As most of you know I have been on a weight loss journey my entire freaking life. It has been a constant battle for me and even though I really eat good, it seems to come off slloowww. I swear on my grave, it will say,”She tried really hard to lose weight.”

I seem to really pack it on when I am doing disaster work. It’s a lot of stress and not so great places to eat or what you have to choose from. Medically I have nothing wrong that I am aware of , I do have a bit of insulin resistance and maybe a touch of adrenal fatigue which I know doesn’t help much.

I am not a huge exerciser so I know I can improve in that area. The clip below had me crying because I was laughing so hard. This is how you feel when you are really trying hard to be good. My issue is actually not will-power, I have a ton of it when I set my mind to something but when I don’t see results after a while that I think I should be having, it makes me want to give up.

I started this 21 day to weight loss journey book with Marianne Williamson. It talks about the inner issues that go along with your distorted view of yourself and your weight. I am only on day 4 but I have had a few dreams about my mom. I sat down this morning and looked at it symbolically.


See my mom was super thin her entire life, which was difficult for me because I was a bigger girl. She got up every day and exercised and she tried to eat good, as well as she could back then but my mom had this terrible mindset about being perfect or what that should look like. I realized this morning that as I knew I have carried it with me, I didn’t know how deep it ran.

The dream I had was about my mom trying to take all my clothes that I didn’t fit in and she was going on a date. I was super pissed in the dream and I didn’t want her to take them. I said, “STOP taking my clothes, I will eventually fit in them again.” She just ignored me, got ready and left. She also left her mickey mouse watch. A little back story, when I was younger, I had no money and was trying to support myself and Ryan. It was really hard because I had no support and I could not buy gifts for Birthdays and Christmases, I always felt guilty. One year I had money and I bought my mom this watch from Disney. I was so proud because I had extra money to buy her something and I understood this morning that a lot of your self-worth is tied up into whether you are able to support yourself and those you love.

A few things stuck out about the dream. My mother coming for one, self value was another and thirdly  that I was really trying hard to keep these clothes that didn’t fit anymore. I was angry in fact. Pissed that she could fit in them and I couldn’t. Kinda of how you feel when others seem to lose weight easily and you are busting your ass and get a pound..

One of the exercises in this book is you have to write a letter to your fat self and a letter to your thin one. I did that yesterday and this is what came out:

My Dear Fatness-
Why oh why do you enjoy tormenting me? I would love to not worry about taking care of you. Watching what you eat because I am afraid you are going to gain more weight. You suck joy from my life with your stupid issues that won’t budge, no matter what I do to try and change you. What is the problem because try as I might, I cannot figure out what your deal is- I mean seriously. You are hindering my growth and my life. In my mind’s eye, I am not this overweight person. I am light, flexible, beautiful and creative. Not fat, unmovable and heavy. Please, please, please tell me what it’s going to take to get you back down to size.
The Thin One

To the want to be thin one:
Much of my life I have spent protecting, taking care of and stuffing the emotions of you. I didn’t start carrying weight always. It used to be fun to release weight. There was a purpose. Now what is the point? Why do you want me to be thin? What is it worth? More heartache, more regret and more pain. More pain to feel from shame and embarrassment that you had to deal with pretty much your entire life. If I stay fat I can buffer that. I can cushion the weight of the pain and the fear of life. The blows won’t knock me over. I can stand stronger. I can feel more grounded and can handle others energies. When you are thin, you allow others to use and abuse you. You only think your beautiful if your thin. Until you learn to stand up and realize this truth, I will remain for eternity.
How do you like them apples?
Ms. Fatness

I would highly recommend doing this to understand what is running amok in your mind. It’s really important you let yourself just write. Whatever comes out. It might not be very pretty or politically correct. You don’t get to the truth without telling it. As you can see above, I have some digging to do. My conscious self is not aligned with my subconscious one. It is not up with the times or all the work I have done. My subconscious is stuck in this area. It needs to be thawed, heard and healed.
This is how you look at things that are stuck within you. You have to dig and ask questions. Sometimes there is a disconnect that needs to be connected again. A part of you that is separate due to life lessons and fear. Shame. Guilt. Embarrassment. Disgust. All those emotions that we act like don’t bother us but inside and deep down they do. Then they build up over time like a wall. A wall of protection. We need a wall of love.

My mom did her best that she knew at that time. Just like I am. She gave me a lot of good traits and some bad ones. Perfectionism will never allow you to feel accomplished at anything because there is always something that won’t be good enough. It’s a double- edged sword. One way it makes you strive to be the best and the other is, it won’t allow you to accept and love yourself the way you are. There has to be balance and this is what I am pondering on this Sunday, where are you stuck?……xoxo

Holistic Corner: Weight not, want not.

Weight gain and loss has always been a challenge for me, especially as I have gotten older. I remember when I used to be able to eat salad at night and lose weight every day. Not anymore. Last year I started to notice my fasting blood sugar was up, I thought it was a fluke. I basically ignored it. 
I have had a high emotional/physical stressful life, fear and panic, especially when I was younger. As I have gotten older and learned how to navigate better I don’t have the swings that I used to but years and years of stress have taken their toll on me. Disaster work is also a stress on every level. It is all how we process and I was not taught as a child how to deal with any kind of stress very well. I have had to parent myself to learn how to navigate life differently. This has all made a perfect storm for weight and protection.
Your family does the best it can with the knowledge and awareness they have at the time. It is up to you to change what is not working for you anymore.
At the beginning of the year, I cut out all sugar pretty much. No carbs that were not good carbs and by good I mean only vegetables. Good carbs were making me gain. I tried Paleo, teas, shakes and none of it made a dent and caused me to gain weight. It seemed like everything I ate caused me to gain and now my A1C was 6.0
I tried to exercise and do the body builder diet. 8 months later, I felt better but hadn’t lost a freaking pound and it’s not like I don’t work on myself with emotions, mental and spiritual, I do it every day. It’s been very frustrating.
I am not a mediator or an avid exerciser. I try to do those things because I know they are really good for me but it is a self effort and a discipline for me. I have to force myself.
This a great article about insulin resistance by Dr. Christiane Northrup, who I have read for years. She is a way shower. I appreciate all her work and trials to give women an opportunity to do things differently. These people get ridiculed a lot. When you choose to go and do things against the norm, you get tons of crap. People make fun of you, they think you are crazy, talk about you behind your back and question everything you do. You just have to keep going and she has. I understand and really, really appreciate it. This has been me, my entire life. 

Dr Christiane Northrup

In January I decided to give it another go. I don’t want to have diabetes, heart disease, etc. I, honestly, just want to walk out of my body when I am don’t want to be sick, ill or have a drama trauma to take me out. While I am here I want to live the best life I can and be the best person I can be. I work my ass off at this. It is not an easy path. Easy paths are much more, well, EASY…that is not who I am.
Now it is March and even if it is coming off really slow. I have lost 14 pounds and reduced my A1C to 5.5. I am really tired of worrying about my weight. I mean seriously, on my tombstone it will say, ” She’s tried REALLY hard to lose weight her entire life.” Enough. IS. Enough.
I will keep doing everything I know how to do, to be the best I can on every level. Ask for help and support. I will love me. Cherish me. Tell myself I am beautiful. Treat my body good. Open my heart. Change my mind and LIVE.
I hope you will do the same….xoxo
Photo of Dr. Northrup from her Facebook page
Scale photo from

Holistic Corner: Heart Sick

I am sad today and honestly, flipping angry. On Valentines Day and the start of Lent no less, we had another mass shooting.
What can we do to stop this from happening? Can we stop it?
Have we as a culture created this by blocking feelings, creating games and movies that show you how to blow another’s head off? Oh fun right? War, violence, abuse. So great(not really) to watch on TV or at the movies but when the fake becomes real, everyone is wondering WHY.
Why are people so upset that they feel the need to take another life. Where are we missing the warning signs and are we in denial or just ignorant. Should we be following up with people that are showing signs of craziness? Rage? Hostility? Revenge? Is it up to other people looking on or work we should be doing in ourselves and our communities. Or both? Where is the disconnect with the heart?
Mass shootings are becoming more and more often. I remember Columbine. I can tell you exactly where I was that day and what I felt. Heartsick.
Sure we can put metal detectors in schools, create stricter guns laws,etc but really the problem is not with the weapon, it is only a tool of the evil inside. The evil that has festered and grown to where it takes on it’s own identity and then has no remorse, no love and no light left. Darkness. Pain. Rage. Revenge.

19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.” Matthew 15: 19-20

To make matters worse we ignore those that are weird, crazy and just don’t make sense. We drug them, jail them and put them in holes to punish them but we never seem to figure out WHY they are doing it in the first place. Most of the time you cannot even ask one because they are already dead. They commit suicide just so they won’t have to deal with Earth justice. It is sickening and so unfair.
Our leaders spend so much time fighting each other and with stupid stuff that doesn’t matter, it is a joke. We have to start being our own leaders in our own areas and lives. WE MATTER. WE MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
Weed out the darkness in your own life and for God’s sake when you see something or someone that seems to be not OK, SAY SOMETHING to someone. Don’t just run and ignore what is happening. CARE about your fellow man, not just the people in your circle.
I refuse to believe that we cannot make changes, even if it just within your own SELF. Do your own inner work. If you don’t know how, find someone to help you. There are thousands of teachers, preachers, life coaches and therapists. Stop the excuses about, “This is just the way I am.” You just aren’t trying hard enough. Look within your own family. LOOK WITHIN YOUR OWN HEART. Don’t let the darkness win.
When we really want something and the desire is there you can find a way. If you have no money, find someone who will work with you, trust me there are plenty of people that will do that. I know because when I was struggling, I found them.
I also know that you have to want to change. Whatever the area and you cannot ever give up. Never stop fighting to make the world a better place and the world within yourself. Never give up.
My thoughts and prayers are with those that lost lives and the ripple effect that it caused yesterday…I am so sorry for your loss….xoxo

Always evolving and barking at the moon.


For the last few days coming up onto this eclipse, lots of hidden emotions are coming to light. That is what the full moons and especially the eclipses are for. Lighting up the night. Stuff that is hidden, keeping you stuck. Emotions, patterns, behaviors,etc.

I have had something happen in my life in the last few weeks that upset me. Really more than I care to admit. My Jeep got wrecked. I feel like that car commercial that says, ” I named my car Larry and I am upset that he is gone.” This is how I have felt. Totally out of my control.

That car has been around with me for over 10 years and if this hadn’t happened I probably wouldn’t have gotten rid of it till it died. Circumstances beyond my control happened and took all my well laid plans and threw them out the window with a laugh.

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”  Proverbs 19:21

I had to make a decision whether I wanted to keep the car or not. Was the car serving my highest good and was it still serving what I needed it for? or was it time to let it go. These are the questions that I have been thinking about the last few days. Everything has energy, could be living or not. Your energy goes into physical things and I was really attached to this car.

I was looking at the energy I associated with this car and why was I having such an issue? This car makes me feel safe. I have taken it to many disasters and one side of the country to the other, through a hurricane and it never let me down or stranded me. It was my home when I wasn’t at home. I have all my safety stuff in it. Food, water, blankets, etc.

Not only did it get wrecked but then it got broken into. I felt that was not a fitting end to the car that was by my side for 10 years. It didn’t deserve such an ending to it’s journey with me.

I tried to look at it like this. If it hadn’t been sacrificed, maybe the person that was driving it would have been hurt. Maybe the car took the energy so the person didn’t have to. That seemed to make me feel better. It actually still was doing it’s job of protector, it just wasn’t with me.

I could have gotten the car fixed. I had enough money to do so but with 179,000 well drove miles I had to think about what was ahead for me and it. Lots more driving, lots more disaster. I really need a car with less miles on it. I had an opening to change.


CHANGE…..There is that word.

When the universe gives you a choice and either way could be taken then you choose and have to live with the consequences. I get stuck here a lot. I get afraid to make a “wrong” choice and as I say that I know there are no “wrong” choices only learning opportunities. My 48 year old self knows that but there is a younger, emotional self that rears it’s head when things like this happen.

The one that made decisions that hurt her deeply so there is always a warning in my ego that says, “Watch out this could be a disaster.” Did you look at every angle? Are you making the best choice for everyone concerned? Are you SURE you are doing the “right” thing?

So I pray when I get like this. I ask for guidance because I cannot get out of my own way and I need help. I look for guidance in small things. Repeated phrases, dreams, words upon waking and then I ask for another’s opinion of someone I trust. Then I weigh all that and make a choice.

I chose to let the car go. Just like you have to make choices sometimes that aren’t fun. They can hurt people and they can hurt yourself but you don’t know unless you choose. One way or another.

This eclipse falls in when all this is happening. Some things that happen in your life are a reflection to get you to move and change even when you don’t want to. If you look under things you will see that. The wreck was just not a wreck. The jeep was not just a Jeep to me. It stood for somethings that I need to still keep working on to build stronger within myself.

Outside and inside. God is always working to evolve you and you can be thankful for that.

So tomorrow I am going to clean out my car and thank it for it’s service in my life. I am grateful for things that make me feel safe and secure and I am really very grateful for my jeep. I am also grateful for the energy in the universe that helped me choose this car so long ago and I pray for guidance when picking a new one.

The universe will always be there and have your back even with small or large choices in life. You just have to ask. Onward and upward. Always evolving…Life goes on.

That is my trigger in healing for this full moon, what is happening with you? …xoxo



Images via Google

Everything will be OK…

Three wise men and starIt has been awhile since I have written anything for the blog.

I have been gone on deployment with FEMA, the double hurricanes at the end of the summer and into fall. I didn’t even get home but right before thanksgiving.

Disaster always puts you in a different mind-set. It is all about survival. All of the things we take for granted on a daily basis become the most important things to us. Food, Water, Shelter, Electricity, Gas and Love. These are the things that are most needed. All of the other things fall away for a time. You are worried how you are going to eat and how your going to stay hot or cold with no electric and how you are going to get food if you have no gas or no gas to get away in the coming storm.

It is a tremendous amount of stress to be had by all. The people affected and the people going in after it happens to recover. You are running on adrenaline for weeks. The stress and the emotions are in the air, hanging like fruit. That energy has to be discharged and transmuted back into the earth. I feel like that is what natural disasters are in a sense. Clearing energies that need to be cleared off the lands. If we get full and heavy, can you imagine what the earth has to hold and transmute with all of our thoughts and emotions on a daily basis. Just think about that for a second…

One thing it makes you really aware of is life. How fragile it is and how it can be gone in an instant.

When I came home this time, I was fried. This hit me a bit harder than ones I had been on before, maybe because it was so long or so big. My part in it is small compared to others parts that they play, I am a baby in the disaster world.

One thing is for certain, you don’t realize how much of the energy that you take on until you go home and thaw out. I started trembling and buzzing about a week before I came home, I knew I needed a break. When you have empathy for people, you don’t realize that you put yourself in their shoes and feel what they FEEL and when you are seeing a lot of people and including the energy of the land, which I am just learning about as a healer, you really have no idea what goes on with the vibrations of everything.

I got a crash course this time.

I do the normal things that I have been taught to do for protection. Pray, visualize and essential oils but you cannot protect yourself from life. Life happens. Death happens. Disaster happens. To everyone. It really is about how you get through it.

One lady really stuck out in my mind and not for a reason that you would think.

She was really shaken up, and it’s not like I don’t see this ALL the time. I mean, everyone is upset, EVERY PERSON you come into contact with is UPSET.

This lady though was an interesting case. She had no damage to her residence, she was able to get out safely and she had no family members that were hurt. What she was upset about was her plants outside. They were demolished. She was sitting on her porch when I arrived, visibly shaking and crying. Her husband was trying to talk to her with no avail.

I sat down next to her on the porch. Her husband got up and left us, after I told them who I was. You could tell he didn’t know what to do with her and was losing patience with her upset as he rolled his eyes.

I let her cry and talk. She talked about how she had nursed these plants for years and years and that they were her babies and now they were all dead. DEAD, she said. I took her hand and said, ” Come and look at this plant. You see the roots are still there and there is green still on them. They are not dead but they have been through a trauma and will need lots of love, sun and water to recover but because the root is still there, it will still grow back, maybe better than before.”

She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, ” So you think they will recover?” I said, ” Yes, I do, and these other plants will as well, they have strong roots from you taking care of them, their entire lives. The love that you give them will see them through.”

She stopped crying. I gave her a hug and said that statement that you always say. “Everything is going to be OK, even if you don’t think it is. Let the earth and the people heal and all will be well. It is just going to take some time.”

So many times we respond with anger in trauma because we are scared ourselves. Anger is secondary to fear.  I remember when my mother died. People told me that everything would be OK, I said, ” You all are stupid. It will never be OK.” I resisted the flow of life for a long time, rebelled, tried to keep my anger at life.

Today, it is OK and after many years, I can remember good things now. Allow the joy of life to come back and not just see the sadness, destruction and disaster. It’s important to get to the other side of trauma and not get stuck in it. You have to allow the trauma to be witnessed. It has to be felt and then worked through. You have to feel safe to release trauma. SAFE. This is something that after a disaster you don’t feel for a long while. People lose their entire lives that they have built. It is very traumatizing. It can affect everyone differently. It can be a small as losing a house plant and as big as losing a house. The remedy is all the same. LOVE. COMPASSION. The basic necessities of life that we all need.

We all have had a disaster in some form or another in our lives and usually, but not always, this is why we are not very nice.

So the next time you encounter a jack ass, try responding different and let me know how it goes. Maybe just try for Christmas. Try it with your family, who is always a trigger of all your unhealed stuff. Try it with your co-worker that drives you nuts. Try to put yourself in their shoes to see how really hard it is to be them, being a jack ass on a daily basis. Really it takes A LOT of energy to be that way even if some people make it look easy. ; )

Maybe, just maybe some hearts will be healed and who wouldn’t want that for Christmas right?….xoxo


(Image via Google Images)