It started a few weeks ago when I kept having issues with my husband, you know your closest relationships are such a pain in the ass sometimes. I kept looking and looking at the judgement I was having with him. I knew better, didn’t I?
Well I always say it is some alien that comes down to possess you and speaks out of your mouth like you can’t control yourself but I really wanted to know why I could not reconcile with my husband,why I could not appreciate him just for who he is.
Then it hit me, it was my shadow side coming up, to show itself where I still have fear in relationship and where someone did not accept me, just as I was.
Well I can think of several severe lessons along the way and with one of them STILL coming in dreamtime, 25 years later, I still cannot get rid if him, I have tried everything, rituals, praying, burying, burning, running water and still it comes.
If you know me, I am perty relentless when I get my teeth into something and it is something that I really have to watch because it gets me into a whole shitload of trouble sometimes, I look before I leap now. Before I did not. This is a trait that my husband has and I cannot stand it, it drives me crazy. I realized today that this is just another instance that I have been shown that I have moved on, I have learned that lesson, while my husband on the other hand has not and as you can see my frustration level is at an all time high.
You see I used to have to learn by experience and I know that in some cases you just can’t get it unless you live it but I have less to jump for unless I really see the need to jump.
I realized that I am almost in control of my emotional body. Oh my gosh, I said it… I almost want to jump up and down, I have worked in this area for ever it feels like.
Oh but then there still is my husband, damn our interaction makes all my good intentions roll out the window and crap comes out of my mouth and then I wonder what alien came down….you see my dilemma.
If I am to become one with myself, my male side and female side have to get along, inside of me.
But how does this work when you have always used another to show you where your issues are? You know the term “Reflection”….
This is not working for me anymore because I look enough into myself that I see my own shit now. Yikes! So where to go from here….Where’s Yoda? Oh I forgot, the oracle is inside of me and I have to face my dark side by myself.
What do you see when you look inside of yourself, my insides are getting clearer, not so mucky now, still have some worth issues and my Mars is always trying to run the show but my lion and serpent are showing me lesson after lesson this week and I just try to accept my husband for who he is, really accept him, unconditionally.
Oh there it is, when I accept myself UNCONDitionally, when I have unconditional love for myself then the alien will stop coming because there will be nothing to improve, nothing to take care of, nothing to prove, I will be able to just BE.
A walking child of the magician of the universe, whose hand created me, just as I am…Who loves me, just as I am.
Who created me, just so I could be Cintra at this time and express my soul, right now.
There is a wonderful example of this in this movie, the girl has acted terrible and in her humiliation she has a conversation with Mr Darcy, I have pasted the clip below:
If we could just say that to ourselves, and then we could accept others just as they are and really enjoy our time with them. Time is so short here on earth.
Something to think about…..