Demolition Woman

I live in a house that was built-in 1916, I have owned this house for about 15 years, it was a DISASTER when I bought it. Over the years my husband and I have basically rebuilt the entire house. Really gutted it. Today as I was working on the ceiling in the main room, scraping off my umpteen layer of wallpaper, I am talking to myself and it goes something like this” What was I thinking when I bought this house, this is too much work for me” “I am so sick of working on this thing” “I want a new house, one that is already done and needs no work”.

I am doing Fearless Living Boot Camp Challenge with Rhonda Britten and I have to tell you she is kicking my behind, only it’s a subtle kick, she does it in sections, little steps that really make you think and focus about what is really holding you back. AND we are only on Day 6! I can just imagine what the next few weeks are going to bring.

The two areas that I picked to focus on were Career and Health. My two Achilles heels.

On day five she asked us to pick one area to focus, I have not yet picked, I am waddling back and forth, so I decided to work, and as I work, I am thinking, trying to piece the puzzle of me together. You know, over analyzing, another word for Procrastination, with her cousin, Stall.

So with Stall and Procrastination as my wingmen, I go up and down the ladder to the ceiling, I was determined to accomplish something, that I could control, that I could make progress that I could see.

Then it hit me, the ceiling and the house is me.

I am going up and down the ladder, trying to get up, to wish I could stay up and not have to come back down but there is always something that I need down there. A tool, some water, a break, a chair for resting.

There were four layers of wallpaper on this ceiling, clearly the people before me believed in covering up and trying to make it look pretty, but as the years have passed, the papers have started to fall and tear and they have to be addressed or it will look like a disaster.

Just like us.

We can paint and try to cover up our fears but they have a way of coming to the surface to be addressed and it is going to take hard work to clean it up and let me tell you, nobody can do it for you. There are people who can offer help, but it is your mindset that has to change or you will stay stuck.

I am not willing to do that. I have come to far to stop. I have worked to hard.

The first layer was a breeze, it fell right off, Rhonda would say this was the “Comfort Zone”.

I noticed that in scraping the wallpaper the second layer came off quite easy too, like Rhonda would call the “Stretch Zone”.

The third layer was a bit tougher, like she would call the “Risk Zone”.

But the third and fourth layers were kinda stuck together, in fact the fourth layer was the backing of the third layer.She would have called this layer the “Die Zone”, the one you never want to do cause it is so hard.  It was extremely hard to get off, in fact I noticed in a lot of the wallpaper removal process it required water to get it to move.

Water was the catalyst to removing the wallpaper and the glue that was keeping the paper stuck.

Fear makes you freeze and in order to unthaw, you have to start to feel and feeling sometimes requires tears to come, to heal the part of you that has been hurt and scared.

So I am scraping, crying and cussing all at the same time, I did this yesterday for about 5 or 6 hours.

When I was finished for the day, what I had left was a raw half unfinished ceiling.

I am worth finishing it. I am worth doing the work that I don’t want to do. This is just another “ring of fear” that has to be worked through and I will make sure that I have a lot of water to go with this challenge, cause whenever you think you are done with the work, another layer of your soul pops up to be worked on.

I say BRING IT ON….xoxo

Quotes are from Rhonda Britten in her Fearless Boot Camp Challenge

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