Holistic Corner: Lessons from the 10 year old self

My cousin and me when I was 3
My cousin and me when I was 3

I have been working on taking better care of my physical body. By that I mean I am really watching what I eat and I am exercising. I have always watched what I ate but have not really exercised for a while now, a LONNNGGG while. When I turned 40 I knew that things had to change if I wanted to have the quality of life that I really wanted to have as I grew older.

I talk so much about your emotions, mental behaviors and conditioning, this rule applies to everyone, including me. I have worked so hard on clearing the emotional body that now I am in the mental, where everything really manifests. Anyway, I started this new process in January. When I was younger I could drop weight easily just by changing my eating. My motto was “eat less, weight less” and it worked for me for a long time until I hit around 38. The weight just seemed to stay on and I was even gaining and not increasing my eating but again was not exercising.

In January I did a project called”28 flat belly challenge”  and didn’t lose one pound but I lost some inches. It required me to exercise and I did, but still no weight loss. I understand the whole “muscle weighs more than fat” thing but I was thinking to myself, “What is really the problem here?”

Fast forward to now. What was I doing to block my own progress with this? This problem was just like any other, the same rules apply and where was the problem, was it only on a physical level?

I have joined an exercise accountability group offered by Jesse Brisendine 163618_190944777598937_187115434648538_701134_908055_nwho has a wonderful group called “1 year 1000 things challenge” on Facebook, Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/1Year1000Challenge?fref=ts.  A few wonderful women are in the exercise group, some that are way more active than I am, doing  tough mudder races and bungee jumping. I felt like my exercise routine was rather boring compared to these women, so I don’t post that much. I mentioned this a few days ago and I got a few replies and one from a beautiful soul named Sylvia, here is what she said:

smant1126_1367017543“Hi Cintra, I have to disagree with you in that your exercise routine is not boring. I admire and am really proud of you for choosing to be active no matter what activity you do. You’re doing great! :)”

So here was “ping” number one that my thinking was not where it should be but I didn’t really get it until Jesse posted this in the morning:

“I 1000000% agree with Sylvia your exercise routines are not boring.  Listen to that language… is boring a motivating word?  Is it an energizing word?  I hear boring and I think of “Eeyore” from Winnie the Pooh – slow and uninspired.untitled  If you are telling yourself what you do is boring before you do it, are you really getting as much out of it as you could?  I would wager not. 

I have been working out consistently for 12 years now.  I cannot even begin to add up how many pushups, and jumps, and squats, and lunges I have done during that time, 1000’s, 100’s of 1000’s, millions??  What keeps them exciting is my thoughts and the knowledge of the positive impact they have on me and my life.

The same goes for all of you.  Challenge yourselves to shift your perspective about your routines, who knows how much more you could be getting out of it.

I appreciate you all sharing.  It is what this group is for.  The more you all share, the more I can help, the more we all improve.”

After I read that post, I thought to myself, ” Where did that language come from? Where did the thought that what I was doing wasn’t good enough and just as important as everyone else?”

I closed my eyes and asked my spirit to show me the origin of the behavior, the memory that came to my mind was around 10 years old. When I was little I had this beautiful cousin, she looked like a Barbie and was 10 years older than me, I loved her and thought she was fantastic.

My Cousin, Aunt, Mom and Grandma
My Cousin, Aunt, Mom and Grandma

My mother and my family were always comparing her to me, telling me that I needed to be more like her, I should get a job like her, should type like her, play the piano like her, she had a corvette and didn’t I want to have that to? The problem with this way of child raising was that I really had low self esteem as it was, and looking back on it now, I, of course see that they meant no harm, they were just trying to get me to be like her so that I could be a success, which she was in their eyes. I looked up to her but in the end, I always felt inferior to her because of this behavior and it made me not stand up and be me.

When the group and I were talking I realized that the belief that I had regarding this situation with my cousin had factored into a lot of my thinking through the years about myself. Every time I tried to be me and express what I liked and what I wanted, they ignored it and told me to be like my cousin. This behavior followed me my whole life and manifested with me undervaluing myself and my success. If I didn’t fit into the mold of my cousin then I guess in my 10 year old little mind I was not worthy. Holy smokes did that bring tears to my eyes.

My dog CC and I at 10 years old
My dog CC and I at 10 years old

I had such compassion for my 10 year old little girl who was just trying to be loved, like all of us want. I had spent my entire life trying to be something I am not. I had under shadowed everything because of this one belief and if I wouldn’t have been paying attention, would have missed the lesson and the healing that needed to be seen. This was very tricky. How many times have you undervalued your accomplishments and then gotten upset with yourself because you can’t seem to be a success?

Everyone has a purpose in your life. Just because they are not in front of you, does not mean that you are not learning and getting support from them. These people are connected to you for a reason. You found them for a reason. You have your family origin for a reason, they are giving you lessons for your own soul growth.

I am not an “Eeyore”, he is very cute but that is not me, I am not boring or lazy. Sometimes it takes just being yourself, speaking your truth for you to see behaviors and emotions that do not belong in your life. Things need to be rethought and questioned. Hopefully  you have people around you that stand up and say “Wait a minute, that is not right thinking!”  Then you better look in the mirror and question those beliefs. If those thoughts are not loving towards yourself then you need to rethink them. You are perfect just the way you are. I am perfect and beautiful just the way I am.

I want to say “Thanks” to Jesse and the crew for the lesson and I look forward to more, love you guys….xoxo


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